Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
