I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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