My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
