Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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