I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
