Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
