I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i drank out of a bidet.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
