Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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