Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
