I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
