More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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