dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
