My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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