STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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