Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
