I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
