she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
