Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize