i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
