and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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