If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
