are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
