32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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