I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
