dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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