what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize