She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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