she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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