Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My vagina just recognized that song.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
