we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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