Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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