i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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