he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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