Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
