you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
