I faked an abortion last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
