you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
