im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
