the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
