Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
