my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
May the power of my ass compel you!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
