well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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