I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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