talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
