My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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