I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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