Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
