I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize