I'm lost and stupid without you.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
