does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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