She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
