Pants 0. Shit 1.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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