Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
