Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pants are for mortals
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
