The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
