I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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