my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
