I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
