I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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