Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
