I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
