Why are handjobs necessary in class?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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